


Assessment of Annoyance

by xRabbitx



Category: Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: Humor, M/M, Sexual Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-11
Updated: 2012-04-11
Packaged: 2017-11-03 10:32:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/380421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xRabbitx/pseuds/xRabbitx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reno's doing his best to shock Rude, but when he finally manages it, it's not intentionally.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Assessment of Annoyance

~

Rude had always considered himself a very tolerant person-- you sort of had to be when Reno was your best friend-- and there wasn't much that could make him lose his usual cool. In his lifetime, he had witnessed many gruesome, amazing and flat out ridiculous things, and they had all hardened him. 

Most people kept clear of him because they thought he was rather intimidating, but of course Reno, the creator of Irritating, had made it his life's quest to try and throw Rude as often as possible. He thankfully didn't succeed very often, but as it always was when Reno met resistance: he simply tried harder. But despite all his efforts, the day Reno did leave Rude open-mouthed and staring, wasn't intentional.

The day had started off like an other: Rude had shown up at the office at 8AM sharp, got a cup of coffee and sat down at his desk to go through the stack of reports waiting for him. The first thing that met him when he flipped open the first folder, was a photo of a gigantic penis, erected and glistening with precome, and with a big smiling face drawn on its head.

Reno, who was sitting in his chair with his feet up on his desk, was trying very hard to pretend like nothing was out of the ordinary. Rude sighed and held up the photo while arching an eyebrow at his friend.

“Very original,” he said, then threw the photo is the dust bin.“You tried the same trick a few months ago.”

“Fuck, I forgot,” Reno pouted and turned a little in his chair to face Rude. “Better start keepin' a journal.”

“Or better yet,” Elena said, coming into the office carrying a handful of reports. “Stop trying to annoy Rude, and thereby us, and actually get some work done for once.”

Reno rolled his eyes, then leaned towards Rude with a smirk and whispered, “Bet it's that time of the month, eh?”

“I heard that,” Elena hummed softly, only slightly menacing, and Reno was back by his desk in a split-second, grinning.

The rest of the morning was business as usual: Tseng briefed them on the day's tasks, Reno made a comment rude enough to earn himself Tseng's signature Glare of Premature and Extremely Painful Death, and as usual, the GPEPD was just enough to keep Reno quiet for about ten minutes before he was back to his usual annoying, filthy-mouthed self.

Around lunchtime, things had quieted down-- that is to say, Reno had quieted down-- and Rude was finally able to concentrate on reading through the reports. At one point, Reno dropped his pen and had to crawl half-way under Rude's desk to retrieve it, but otherwise, Rude wasn't disturbed, and half an hour later, he was ready to take his lunch break. Lunch would be good today, because Rude had received a tip that the Today's Special in the cafeteria was one of his favourites, and his stomach growled in anticipation. Reno was far from done with his pile, and Rude couldn't wait any longer, so he got to his feet, mumbled that he would be back in half an hour, then headed for the door.

But then something weird happened. It was like his feet wouldn't move with the rest of his body, and for a second, Rude had the very strange sensation of having left his legs behind by the desk. Then he crashed to the floor, dropping the stack of reports he had meant to leave at Tseng's desk, and he was buried in a heap of papers.

Rude's first, and rather embarrassing, thought was that he had been hit of a stunning curse ( he really had to lay off the computer games ), but when he heard the spluttering laughter that he instantly recognised as Reno's, he realised what had happened. Reno, the mother ship of the Aggravating Star fleet from the Pester Planet, had used the dropped pen as an excuse to tie together Rude's shoelaces, and Rude had to count very slowly to ten while he rose from the pile of papers not to draw out his gun and use Reno for target practice. 

By the time he had finally untied his shoelaces, Reno had of course disappeared, and Rude was left alone with the mess on the floor. Tseng and Elena were both elsewhere, and Rude had to pick all the papers up by himself. While he did so, he entertained himself with all the ways he was going to make Reno pay for the prank.

But that had to wait until after lunch, because by the time Rude was done clearing up the papers, his stomach was growling loudly enough for it to be heard down the hall. Rude supposed he could always poison Reno's lunch if they met in the cafeteria. 

Luckily for Reno, though, Rude didn't see him at lunch, and when he returned to the office half an hour later, Reno was nowhere to be found. Rude didn't think much of it, however, because it wasn't rare that Reno “forgot” he had to work and disappeared somewhere.

Still, when Reno hadn't returned an hour later, Rude couldn't help but wonder where he had gone to. But there was no time to go look for the idiot because Rude had to turn in a report to Rufus Shinra, and he left the office to take the lift up to the top floor to Rufus' office. While waiting for his floor, Rude hummed softly along to the dreadful muzak and day-dreamed about the big, comfortable bed that was waiting for him at home. His fantasy was soon broken, however, by the sound that met him when he reached out to knock on the door to Rufus' office.

Rude heard whimpering behind the heavy oak doors, and for a moment, he wasn't sure whether he had just imagined it or if it had really been there. So he pressed his ear to the wood, listening, and only a few seconds later, he heard it again: whimpering. It was vague, but it was there.

The many years of training and experience on the job as a Turk told Rude to be alert. He drew his gun, glancing around the foyer to make sure that whoever had got inside Rufus' office didn't have any accomplices lurking around him. He was alone, and Rude pushed up his sunglasses, pressed his ear to the door again, and then, when he heard the sound again, kicked the door open and burst inside, gun held out before him.

“Fuck, Rufus! I ain't no fucking chew toy, I--”

Rude was met by two sets of eyes, and his own were so wide, they almost rolled out of his head.

On the desk, stark naked and rock hard, was Reno. His hands and feet were bound with what looked like ties, and bowed over him, a flushed nipple between his teeth, was Rufus Shinra. Both men stared at Rude, and Rude stared back. He had no words. Just... no words, and he was too shocked to move a muscle.

The first one to break the silence was Reno, who grinned, winked at Rude and said, 

“Lookin' sharp, Rude.”

Then he winced when he received a sharp slap over the abused nipple as Rufus straightened up and cleared his throat.

“I see you've brought me the report, Rude,” he said, smooth and business-like as only Rufus fucking Shinra could be after being caught red-handed having kinky sex with a subordinate in his office. “Just put it on my desk, and I'll have a look at it later.”

Rude blinked, then glanced at the desk which was more or less covered by Reno's naked body, and Rude really didn't feel like getting anywhere near it, especially not the flushed, swollen cock jerking against Reno's belly. But as he didn't have much of a choice, he nodded silently and edged over to the desk. He couldn't find anywhere to put the report, so in the end, he placed it on Reno' chest, doing his very best not to look into his friend's eyes or at his smug grin.

“Thank you, Rude,” Rufus hummed, not taking his eyes off Rude, and Rude's head twitched in another small nod before he turned away. Mustering up all his self-control to simply not run from the room, Rude headed for the door, and actually managed to do so without seeming too awkward. As he closed the door behind him, he heard Reno snickering, and then promptly wincing as a another sharp slap sounded.

Rude still had no words whatsoever.

~

“Oi, what's gotcha lookin' so gloomy, partner?”

Rude jerked slightly when Reno slammed what looked more like a small bathtub than a glass of beer down on the bar counter. Then Reno sat down next to Rude, clucked his tongue with a grin before taking a large gulp from the tub.

Rude scowled at his friend from behind his sunglasses. “You know very well what.”

“What, that?” Reno grinned, shrugging. “That was just gettin' rid of tension.”

“I don't want to know.”

“Kinda thought you'd figured it out by now. Thought you'd noticed I've been spendin' a lotta time in Rufus' office lately.”

“I try not to notice _anything_ you do.”

“D'you know that Rufus ain't cut?”

“I said, I don't want to know.”

“Hm.” Reno was quiet for a while. Then he took another sip of beer, licked the foam off his lips and grinned.

“His come tastes like champagne.”

“I'll kill you in your sleep, asshole.”

~

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own none of this.


End file.
